I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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