Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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