I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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