If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
