Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
