I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
