I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I cockslap morals
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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