Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
