it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
