ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
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