Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
