Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
