We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
