It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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