You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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