Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
