i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
