Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
