go do what you do best...puke behind churches
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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