my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
