yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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