i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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