he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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