Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
