The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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