I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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