you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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