so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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