i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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