hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
