I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
