The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
