I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
