your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
