Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
