Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
