well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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