I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
