Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
