did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
