Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I can't turn off my feet"
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
