I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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