You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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