I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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