covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Moan for me like Helen Keller
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
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