Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Randomize
