I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
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