Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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