It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
