i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
