i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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