I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
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