I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
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