The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
what day is it and did you see me today?
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
