alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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