If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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