This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
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