Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
