Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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