I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
