Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
