ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Randomize
