Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Dick very happy bro
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
