i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
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