So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Less talking, more tequila
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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