i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Randomize
