Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
