His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
