I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
