Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
