WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
