I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
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