my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
